Advanced darkness?

I have so many things bouncing around in my head I want to write about, but the one that wants out the most right now is fear. Fear, not of man or beast, but of things over which I have no control. Those things which should be easily handed over to God, but are, for me, the hardest to let go of. Fear of disease, fear of losing control....that's what it comes down to. Controlling my surroundings or circumstances so as not to be suprised by ANYTHING. I've never done drugs or been drunk, not just because it's probably not a good idea, but because I don't want to feel, in any way, out of control. But it wears me out...staying on top of every single thought in my head, when most people can just let things go and move on. To quote the great philosopher Spongebob Squarepants- "This isn't your average, everyday darkness...this is advanced darkness."