It's freakin' cold!

I hate cold! This "winter", which actually just started yesterday, already sucks! It's too flippin' cold! 29 degrees is just miserable. But then again, I think anything under 78 is too cold. I'm a warm, tropical weather kind of girl. So, I'm watching MNF (that's Monday Night Football for the two of you out there that don't know that) and it's like -5 in Chicago. I don't even know what that could possibly feel like. My fingers go numb at 50 degrees. And what I'm wondering is why would ANYONE want to live in that? That's just not right. Don't they realize that warmth and sun are just a plane ride away? Maybe their brains are frozen and they can't help themselves. Listen, if you have to dig yourself out of the snow every morning or wear 27 layers just to go anywhere, maybe it's time to look for somewhere else to reside.

Black Friday

I finally caved. I did something I swore I would never do. I went shopping on Black Friday. Not only that, I got to the store just after 4am. But there was this one item I just had to have because the price was soooo good. So a friend and I went together and we were prepared to put up a fight. Did you hear what I just said?? I was prepared to throw elbows if necessary. That says something and it's not a good thing. But, to be honest, it was kind of fun. So, we're standing around our treasure, hands on, as the clock strikes five. It reminded me of that documentary, "Hands on a Hard Body", (no, not that kind of hard body), where these contestants have to have at least one hand on this pick-up truck for days until there's one left standing, and they win the truck. It was interesting, I highly recommend it. But, I digress. So, we're all standing around for an hour chatting with the people around us, being friendly. But as the employee starts to cut away the plastic between us and our treasure, things got ugly. Keep in mind, there were actual police officers- with guns- stationed by us. Not security guards- real cops. That also says something, doesn't it? So we're ripping the plastic away and literally throwing our bodies on top of the boxes so as not to lose what we've worked so hard for. I mean, good grief, I got up at 4am! In the rain! My friend, as she's lying across her box, starts getting cursed at by this guy that showed up just before 5am. Who did he think he was, getting there way after us and trying to muscle his way in? She turns and tells him, in no uncertain terms, to back off, this one's hers. She must have looked pretty convincing, cause he does. And we've done it! We won!! So weird, isn't it? We're civilized people, ready to throw down for a good deal. But, we won!!
So, I get home, on a high and go back to sleep, feeling victorious. Until I turn on the TV later that day and see the news that some poor Walmart employee in New York was killed when a Black Friday mob literally tore down the doors and trampled him. We're civilized, huh?

Bill Cosby Rocks!

Todd and I came across the classic "Bill Cosby: Himself" on TV tonight. We watched the whole thing. It takes me back to my childhood when I would listen to that album- yes, I said album, as in vinyl- going to sleep every night. I could recite that album word for word. In fact, one day in junior high, I was so bored in homeroom, I wrote out one of the stories in my notebook. I love Cosby because he could do an entire routine without cursing, or talking about sex. Well, I take that back, I heard him use the word "ass" once in an hour and a half of "Himself".
Bill Cosby was definitely a source of comfort and happiness for me as a kid and even now when I hear his old stuff. My boys listen to him sometimes as they go to sleep now, too. And I feel comfortable with that because it's so clean and so funny!
Thanks Bill!

The Dream Fulfilled

So I'm watching this amazing thing unfold on TV tonight. The completion of a dream. 45 years later. In the crowd, awaiting Obama's speech, was Jesse Jackson, with tears flowing down his face. Whether genuine or not, the man has seen something awesome. He was standing next to Martin Luther King, Jr. 40 years ago when he was gunned down. He held that dying man in his arms and saw that dream slipping away. Who would have thought, this many years later, he would be watching a black man become President of the United States? This is an exciting time in our history and we have witnessed it!

Seriously?

If I hear one more person say that Barack Obama is a Muslim and that they're scared for him to be elected president for that very reason, I'm gonna lose my ever-lovin' mind. C'mon people, that is the most ignorant claim I have ever heard. They're scared he's a terrorist or worse, maybe even a socialist! Good grief, would you just think about what you're saying for a minute? Do you really think that the United States Government would allow someone like that to run for PRESIDENT? Really? Don't you think that, just maybe, there is someone that has been tailing this guy since his name came up for ANY government position, let alone the top position in our country? He's not a terrorist nor a Muslim and he's not going to ruin this country. Well, no worse than the last 5 or 10 Presidents.

A Few Observations...

Just a few things I know to be true...

Throwing up sucks. My one big goal in this life is to never throw up again.
Having sick children is THE worst thing in the world.
Watching them throw up also sucks.
Cleaning up vomit is the second worse thing in the world.
Sarah Palin is the third worst thing in the world.

Can we just vote already? Because watching these candidates go back and forth is making me sick again.

The Bench

About 7 years ago, I was a lonely stay-at-home mom with a 1 1/2 year
old. Then I did something that had an unexpected result. I moved my
park bench from up by my front door to out under the tree in my front
yard. Little by little over the next few months, something incredible
started to happen. People gathered. They came out of their houses.
They talked to each other. Real relationships formed. We're true
friends. Our kids are friends. We eat together. We've spent holidays
together. We even vacation together sometimes. We've got fridge
rights. It's awesome. Seven families now have a place at that bench.
How great is that?!

Sent from my iPhone

I Heart Huckabees

This is my favorite scene- this is what would work for me- all day, every day!

Rainy Day Bad

I just saw one of the saddest things I've ever seen. I truly cried, which I don't do much. It's raining today- alot. I had gone to lunch with Kate and on the way home stopped by the bank. As I was pulling out, I noticed a little old man standing near the busy street in the rain. I couldn't tell what he was doing there until I got closer. He was dressed in a suit shirt and tie and his suit pants. But in a little old man kind of way, not in a businessman kind of way. And he was holding a sign that read in marker "I need a job please." It crushed me. You could tell it wasn't like the guys on a street corner begging for food or money. This was different. It was more of an act of desperation. I immediately wanted to go to him and offer something. But I didn't know what that would be. Should I give him money? But how much? Food? My umbrella at least? But I didn't. I just teared up and drove on. I failed. I did say a prayer for him, but I still feel I failed. Miserably. What came to mind crushed me even more. "When I was hungry, you fed me. When I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink. When I was naked, you clothed me." I missed my chance to serve.

SNL's got it made...

Does anyone else think that Sarah Palin looks exactly like SNL's Tina Fey? The resemblance is creepy. I have to say I like Tina Fey better. I'm not a fan of Palin. She was in the Miss Alaska pageant, for cryin' out loud. On that point alone, I'm out. I'm sorry, but I cannot take anyone seriously that has glued her swimsuit to her butt.

Firm Grip is also known as the infamous "butt spray" or "butt glue." Pageant contestants use this spray adhesive to keep their swimsuit in place while they model in swimwear.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell....

I was raised in Christian Science. It's pretty much a cult. I left it back in high school, but I'm writing about it now to make others still in it aware of how bad it is. It eats at me often. I watched my Grandma die because of it. I watched my mom die because of it. It robs your soul. It makes you question your self and your God. It should not be able to put the word "Christian" in front of it. It's so NOT what Christianity is about. I don't even know where to begin, but I still get so riled up when I talk about it, I must still need to debrief after leaving it. You know when people go through tragedy and they have to seek help to talk it out or it stays with them forever and eats at them until the day they die. I don't want to always be angry about it, but I still am. So, welcome to my debriefing.

Imagine if you could heal yourself. Or avoid disease by just not naming it. Ridiculous, right? But that's what you do in Christian Science. You don't go to doctors. You don't take medicine. God forbid you are ever in a serious accident like a car wreck. You'd bleed to death while you read "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures". That is the book written by the founder, Mary Baker Eddy. It's supposed to interpret the Bible. Yeah, she's burning in hell right now.

She came up with her "religion" after apparently falling on the ice and breaking her back. Christian Scientists believe that sickness is the result of fear, ignorance and sin and that when the erroneous belief is corrected, the sickness will disappear. She said after she realized this, she was healed. Metaphysical healing is what she's talking about.

Imagine being sick and instead of calling a doctor, you call a Christian Science Practitioner. Someone that will intercede for you by prayer. Oh, and you have to pay them to pray for you. You just look them up in the back of the quarterly - a monthly publication for Christian Scientists- and cold call them.

By the grace of God, my brother and I never had a serious illness. We were lucky, because as much as my mom loved us, I honestly don't know what she would have done had we actually needed medical intervention. The crazy thing is, she wore contacts. So that meant she had to see an eye DOCTOR. Hmmmmm...... oh, and we did go to the dentist. A slight disconnect.

Long story short, my grandma died of breast cancer (we're guessing) in 1994 without ever seeing a doctor. EVER. She was in a place where Christian Scientists go to die. It's called The Leaves and it's a nursing home- without the nurses. I visited her during the six months she was there. I don't remember much about it, except it looked like a small hospital, but it wasn't.

Two and a half years later, in 1996, my mom was dead...of breast cancer. For which she didn't see a doctor until it was too late. She was a tortured soul most of her adult life because of Christian Science and this sent her mind reeling. She couldn't understand that the disease was not the result of something she had done wrong. But that's what she thought. It was awful.

I found real Christianity when I was 21. Thank God. But I still struggle with the effects of the craziness I was raised in.

No good music anymore??

I'm tired of the music on my iPod. I've been listening to the same stuff for a decade (or two) now, because there is no new GOOD music. Or maybe I just expect too much. I think I'm officially old, because everything on the radio is CRAP. I really miss Rage (Against the Machine). But alas, there's hope. Zack de la Rocha just put out a CD under the the name One Day As A Lion. I'm going to give it a try. But, dang it all, if the rest aren't dead. I need some new Blind Melon, Nirvana or Sublime- but, oh no, they all had to go and die. Every generation had that happen I suppose. All the good musicians are so drugged out of their heads they can't not kill themselves.
Then there's the stuff like Jack Johnson, Ben Harper and G Love- but they all have the same problem. Don't get me wrong, I really like all three, but after 2 albums, it all sounds the same.
I guess I'll forever listen to what I've got on the old iPod now. I mean , c'mon, Def Leppard still rocks!

Water Is Basic- Sudan

Do you really want to help the people in Sudan instead of just talking about what George Clooney and Brad Pitt are doing there? Then get in on what my church is doing there RIGHT NOW. Building wells so the people can stop dying from drinking dirty water. Go to WaterIsBasic.org and do something- today.

August 2, 1973

Today is my birthday. The big 3-5. And I'm sitting here doing what I do everyday. Hoping my baby stays asleep for just a little bit longer and waiting for the damn dog to bark at nothing and wake her up. Happens every stinkin' time. But what am I gonna do? Get rid of her? The dog, I mean. She's 11 years old. Or 77. And again, that brings me back to- ugh- getting older. But what's the alternative? NOT getting older? Then that means...you didn't make it. So, a few gray hairs- ok- several gray hairs is just alright with me. Until my next hair appointment. But I digress....

Why do we celebrate birthdays anyway? So we can sing the same old song to the person who doesn't really want to be celebrating getting older? Maybe I'll start doing what my aunt has always done. We have no idea how old she is because no one knows when her birthday is. She has never celebrated one, as far as I know. And when you ask her, she won't answer you. As kids, we always thought that it was sacrilege to not acknowledge a birthday. What about cakes and presents and singing??? But I think she was onto something.

So next year, don't ask...and I won't tell.

I Stand by the Door

I really like this poem from Sam Shoemaker. My pastor read it during his sermon last Sunday and it made quite the impression on me. If you're a Christian already, be careful when you read this. You might be convicted to act like one.

I stand by the door.
I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it.
So I stand by the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands
And put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man's own touch.

Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.

Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him.
So I stand by the door.

Go in great saints; go all the way in -
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in.
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
But my place seems closer to the opening.
So I stand by the door.

There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia
And want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.
For the old life, they have seen too much:
One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
But would like to run away. So for them too,
I stand by the door.

I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.

Where? Outside the door -
Thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me -
One of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and wait
For those who seek it.

'I had rather be a door-keeper
So I stand by the door.

Boats and Ho's!

Simplify

I LOVE this poster! I came across a story on the news yesterday where a dumpster diver found some old newspaper clippings from 1944 thrown in the trash. First, who would throw away something so old and cool? And second, what a great motto to live by!
Of course, I already live that way, or at least, I try really hard to. Painted above my mantle is the word "Simplify" and I try to stick to it. It's hard, but I'm working on it. For instance, the pair of shorts I'm wearing right now, I bought in 1999! The fact that they still fit is something to be proud of on it's own! But, they're still in good shape and I'll make them last. Then again, I might end up on Dr.Phil one day on a show about hoarders.
But we are a nation of consumers- a "throw it away, I'll just buy a new one" mentality. I hate that. There was a documentary that came out last year called "What would Jesus buy?", about a group of anti-consumerists that would go into stores and malls and practically harass the employees and customers. I love it! I HATE malls and all the over-priced junk people think they have to have. Every once in a while, I fall for it (iPhone). But I pride myself on not really ever buying anything I can't eat. My goal for my closet is to whittle it down to a few white t-shirts, one pair of jeans, one pair of shorts, and some flip-flops. Oh and of course, my soccer uniform.
I mean how much do we really need? We can only wear one pair of shoes at a time. How big a house do we need, when it's just more to clean and furnish? I don't know about you, but I can only be in one room at a time. Why do I need 3 living areas? So I can put furniture in it that I'll never sit on anyway?

Can't drive 55?

Me either...until now. About 2 weeks ago, I was driving down Highway 360 to a friend's house and it suddenly hit me that maybe I should SLOW DOWN and try to save some gas (money) like those crazy Hypermilers you see on the news. And contrary to my belief that faster is better, I actually enjoyed driving 60 or 65 instead of 70, or 75 (who am I kidding- or 80). It was very calming on the nerves to have cars screaming past me at 90 and flipping me off for trying to go green. I just smiled and waved and chilled. But truly, it was a nicer drive not to have to worry about which lane was moving faster or how to negotiate a lane change at 75 miles an hour. And you know what? I have already upped my mileage- from 18.3 mpg to a whopping 18.8 mpg (no, I didn't figure that myself, my car does it for me.) So, you see, it works. Kind of.

The Great Storm of 1900

So, now everyone knows that I love to go to Galveston. I'm reading this book, "Isaac's Storm" about the hurricane that wiped out the Island in September 1900. It killed 8000 people. The book is fascinating to me, having visited Galveston probably 9 times in the last 12 years. I can visualize all the places he refers to. I've read all the monuments and memorials scattered about the island and I feel connected to it.

I'm also a weather nerd. I wanted to be a meteorologist growing up (and a sports announcer, but that's neither here nor there...) and did science fair projects on tornados. But then, so did half the 5th grade. I'm in awe of storms, be it thunderstorms or hurricanes, tornados or blizzards.

This book is not only about the history and fate of Galveston, but the history and personality of this huge storm. It also tells about the beginnings of the Weather Service and how the science of forecasting evolved over time. It's absolutely fascinating. (I've used that word already, but I can't think of another one.)

I write all this to say, read this book! It's humbling for mankind. These people thought they had it all figured out, the weather, that is. Just when they thought they were on top of things, bam...not so much. Is that where we are in terms of say, global warming (if it exists- but that's a whole other blog entry for another day)?

We think we know, but we have no idea.

Blimey!

Todd picked up a stingray at Galveston! It was so cool!

Galveston

Headed home from Galveston...tired, but tan. Great sun, great sand,
great time... Didn't want to leave!

Sent from my iPhone

You can't handle the Truth!!

So Phil Gram says we've become a "nation of whiners" and everybody is up in arms. But WE ARE. I just caught myself upset that I couldn't get to the Apple store to get the iPhone on the VERY first day it comes out. How pitiful is that? We whine about the cost of gas we have to put in our nice, huge, gas-guzzling SUV's. Or how you're losing your 3000-square foot house you couldn't afford in the first place! I think there's a slight disconnect there. We whine because we're spoiled and we think we're entitled- to everything. It's disgusting.

Debbie Downer

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them." -Albert Einstein


I'm bummed out on life today. Two toddlers drowned in my town yesterday and it just upset me to the core. Apparently no one's fault in particular, they just slipped outside unnoticed and the dad found them in the pool. So sad. As I was driving my kids over to their Nana's today for a visit, I just took in their laughter from the back seat as much as I could. Almost trying to burn it into my brain. But that made me sad, too, because those parents lost both their kids, and I don't want to even imagine their pain.
Then I see a handicapped man in a wheelchair in the heat trying to cross a busy street by himself and I got more depressed. And as I looked around while heading home, I just noticed all the down and out people around me. And told myself, all I can do is just raise me kids the very best I can and provide a foundation for them so they don''t end up like those I saw. But then that just doesn't seem like enough. What else can I do to help the world? It's so overwhelming, where do you start?? Will the poor always be among us? Is that an excuse not to help? All I can say is- Jesus come quickly! Save us from ourselves.

Suburbed to death

Todd and I were having one seriously frustrating day and on the way over to our friends' house that evening, half-jokingly he said, "Just put on my tombstone 'The world was too much for me'."
Then he said something about being "suburbed to death". Funny statement, but too true. It's not like we live in a war-torn country where we daily have to worry about survival. We get so frustrated and upset over the little things- totally meaningless stuff. It's not like we're worrying about keeping a roof over our head or food on the table- in the suburbs, those things are pretty much a given. But we get ticked off over stupid things, like whether our iPod works in the car or why are our kids so stinkin' loud! But really, I guess, no matter where you live- life throws a lot at you and you have to have a fairly tough skin to get by.

California Girl?

Weird thing- twice in the past 6 days someone has told me I belong on the west coast. Impossible- I'm a Texan, born and bred. And proud of it. First person told me I LOOK like someone who's from there, next person told me I ACT like someone from there. I guess that's a compliment... ?

Crappy morning

What a freakin' morning. A full glass of apple juice spilled on my coffee table and computer. Then my 4 year old sneezes a snotrocket all over his clothes. And not 10 minutes later my 9 month old dumps an entire bowl of warm oatmeal into my lap. And all before 9am. Have you ever sat in tears with oatmeal in your lap? Well, now I have. Not what it's cracked up to be.....

PK Baby!

We just had our annual Possum Kingdom Lake trip last week. That place rocks! The lake is awesome in scope and beauty! Really peaceful and laid back. I would describe it like a grunge, hippie lake as opposed to a yuppie lake, like, say, Lewisville or Joe Pool. I always have such a good time doing nothing but floating in the water and soaking up rays, which I know is so wrong, but feels so right. Everytime I have to leave there, I'm ready to buy a house on the lake and stay there forever. Yes, I'm in love with Possum Kingdom.

Can we inherit memories?

"Nature shows us only the tail of the lion. But I do not doubt that the lion belongs to it even though he cannot at once reveal himself because of his enormous size"
- Albert Einstein


Deja vu? Past lives? Collective Unconscious? Whatever it's called, is it real? I'm a skeptic, but even I have experienced the deja vu thing. So, Dr. Mehmet Oz mentions on TV that maybe memories are stored in our DNA. What?? DNA? But if you think about it, why not? There is a big percentage of DNA whose functions haven't been identified. If they store other information, like hair color and height from our parents, why not memories? Events they have experienced that are stored in their brain. They then pass those memories on to us, and at some point we access those memories, feeling like we've actually experienced them. I'm not a doctor or scientist, but it seems possible to me.
Dr.Oz also mentions something about 11 dimensions, 3 of which we live in (3D). Funny thing, because just this past week, Todd and I are discussing paranormal events, like ghost encounters and we're total skeptics, so we don't tend to believe in those things. But, I had heard about the theory of these beings not really haunting us, but that sometimes maybe a "curtain" is pulled back and when we think a "ghost" is visiting us, maybe it's that we are getting a glimpse of another dimension. And lo and behold, a few days later, there's Dr.Oz talking about the same darn thing! That dimensions are like "shower curtains" he says, and when they are pulled back, we sometimes get a glimpse into these dimensions. He's referring to past-life regressions, which this show was about. You could tell he was skeptical about it and was explaining that maybe it wasn't necessarily past-lives but seeing into other dimensions, or tapping into the collective unconscious.
This stuff makes my head hurt a little...

12 years! Todd and I have been married 12 years today! It seems like just yesterday and an eternity ago all at the same time. Sometimes I still think I'm just a kid and how crazy is it that I have a husband and 3 kids? And laundry and dishes and grocery shopping and dirty diapers and ...
I mean, we met as security guards at Six Flags one summer, for goodness sake!! What business do we have raising other human beings?! But we are, three times over, and it's a crazy life! This is also the anniversary of our very first date! June 15, 1994. Todd will tell you that he asked me out, but I'm the one who suggested we go see a Ranger game. Which by the way, got rained out and we ended up at Cheddar's instead. And here we are, 14 years later!

JOGA BONITO!

I've spent the last several days engrossed in the UEFA Euro 2008 Championship. Match after match and I can't get enough! Oh, the acting that goes on- they outta give out Oscars to these European players. The flops are worse than anything the NBA will give you. But these guys can play. It's just awesome. My boys have been watching with me and we've decided our favorite player is Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal. But, then again, he's everybody's favorite. Portugal just routed Czech Republic, 3-1. Switzerland and Turkey just kicked off and it's pouring rain. Games are on everyday for a few weeks, so I am in soccer heaven. Gooooooooooaaaaaal!

I Heart Apple

I think I'm addicted. Really, truly, powerfully addicted. To technology. I hate to admit it, but it's there and it's bad. It all benignly started with my first cell phone back in 1994. I got it, well, for no reason really, except it was there and it was FREE. Kinda. With a 2 year contract. Which turned into 14 years. And tomorrow, IT comes out. The 2nd generation iPhone. I WANT ONE. I've always wanted one. Up to this point, I've stuck with the free phones. Except for my razr. Anyway, then about a year ago, we got the wireless internet thing. And that got me good. Now, I can be ANYWHERE in my house and check my e-mail. Or CNN. And Webkinz. But what really hooked me was Kodak Gallery. Most of you who know me know about my shameful addiction to sharing my life through pictures. Because you get them just about every, what, hour and a half? Again, I apologize. But, it's a disease, addiction. Right? But it's so much fun. So, now I've found blogging. Let me apologize in advance. But with this one, it's up to you to visit it. So it's not my fault. I won't even get into the MySpace thing- or Twitter. Or my iPod. See? It's bad.

Don't worry, be happy...

Are you happy? Am I happy? Good question. A study in the news today revealed the unhappiest age is 44. With the happiest ages being the 20's and then the 60's. A "U" curve we're on. It also said Americans are pressured to be "happy". It's true. Think about when someone casually asks you how you are doing. You wouldn't dare say "Oh, not so good...." We always reply with a "Great, thanks!" with a fake smile. But shouldn't Americans be happy? Compared to the rest of the hell on earth, we should feel guilty bitching about anything. For the most part, we're fed, clothed and sheltered. We have more disposable income than any country in the world. How dare we say "life sucks". But, emotionally, I bet we are more miserable than those living in war-torn countries. We're isolated from others, rushed through our days and have sleepless nights. How many people do you know directly who are on either an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drug? Most of us know someone who is or we're on them ourselves. It's a fallen world. I don't think we're supposed to be truly happy here. C.S. Lewis says "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
Amen.

Advanced darkness?

I have so many things bouncing around in my head I want to write about, but the one that wants out the most right now is fear. Fear, not of man or beast, but of things over which I have no control. Those things which should be easily handed over to God, but are, for me, the hardest to let go of. Fear of disease, fear of losing control....that's what it comes down to. Controlling my surroundings or circumstances so as not to be suprised by ANYTHING. I've never done drugs or been drunk, not just because it's probably not a good idea, but because I don't want to feel, in any way, out of control. But it wears me out...staying on top of every single thought in my head, when most people can just let things go and move on. To quote the great philosopher Spongebob Squarepants- "This isn't your average, everyday darkness...this is advanced darkness."